The nurse tried to hold him to my breast. He got all red and started to cry inconsolably. I felt so helpless , not knowing what to do to help him. This continued till we left the hospital. I felt so embarrassed breastfeeding with everybody looking on, and just wanted it over with. My baby did not know how to latch on or suck and he was crying so much. He got tired after a while and started sleeping after sucking a little bit. Each time, there was more than one nurse or lactation consultant to help my baby latch on and to keep him awake for the feedings.
It was not easy, it was a constant struggle at the beginning. There were millions of times that I felt like quitting and felt I would be a complete failure as a mom if I did.
Now when I look back, I have no idea how I survived that!!!
My baby was born at 7.5 lbs, and he went down to 6 by the second day. That night was my worst nightmare come true. I had nurses and lactation consultants constantly watching me, which made me feel like I was doing everything wrong. The physical pain from the surgery was overwhelming, but even more trying was the emotional side. I had so many people saying what I did wrong, no one told me what I was doing right. That whole night we repeatedly went through this same process: the nurse would check the baby's weight, then I would breastfeed him and they again checked his weight, I pumped and the nurse fed it to him and again his weight was checked. This went on forever. When I first pumped, I only got 2 oz. The second time was barely 1 oz. the nurse looked at me as if I had done something wrong and this only served to increase my guilt more.
The next day morning, my baby's pediatrician came and said that I had to give my baby formula which made me so upset. I was so mad that I did not even look at her the whole time she was explaining that to me. I heard the nurses saying that they did not let our pediatrician know about this on the first day as this would make her so upset.
Meanwhile, I had lactation consultants come in to check on how much of a failure I was. They had differing views on breast feeing. One person told me to try a nipple shield while the other one told me that would decrease milk. At the same time, I had lots of friends come in with little kids, and all these people would be standing there while I breasted the baby. I am a very private, private person and showing my boobs in front of everyone was not a comforting factor for me.
My baby was born on saturday and we had to stay at the hospital till Wednesday because I was running a fever of 106 till Tuesday and was on antibiotics till then. Though we were released from the hospital, I still had to take my baby in daily to check his weight. I was so relieved to be released from the hospital and go back home. But going back to the hospital daily again was a nightmare. After coming back home, my baby's weight started increasing steadily.
The next one was my baby's two week pediatrician appointment. Though my baby's weight was increasing steadily, she gave us a stack of formulas. She was stressing us out, giving us an ultimatum that he had to increase by a certain amount in one week. The very next day, we switched the pediatrician and it's been the best decision ever. When the first pediatrician held my baby, he would cry a lot, while he smiled at the second one. That was a big relief for me that I made the right decision.
For the first two weeks, we gave him formula once a day. After that, we stopped because he was increasing steadily. I check my baby's weight every day to make sure it is not decreasing. I check my weight on the sighing balance and then mine with his and subtract the two to get his.
P.S. : The best help for breastfeeding is fenugreek seeds. Soak it in water overnight and drink the water and eat the seeds the next day. It triples your supply.
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